Life Changes...Starting Over...Again...

 Change is hard for me.

It's scary.

I have been contemplating a BIG change for years.  But I felt like...I'm too old...It's too late.
So in the meantime...I made some SMALL changes...hoping these SMALL changes would impact my life...but they didn't...things didn't come together after I made these small changes.

 The decision to go ahead or not go ahead with this BIG change has largely been influenced (unfortunately) by what I feel others will think of me.  It has to do with my career choice.  I have been doing licensed home childcare for twelve years.  And although it is a rewarding job, I can't tell you how many times I've gone through major burnout in my life.

And so...while doing childcare...I enrolled in some "certificate programs" in order to possibly change career fields or at least add to my current job for variety.   I graduated from Dental Assisting School and also Medical Transcription School.  Both ended up not leading to any work in the field.  I also earned my CDA (Child Development Associate Credential) of which brought no extra earning potential to my current job.

 When I was a little girl, I had dreams of being an elementary school teacher.  I even went to college for about 5 semesters pursuing that dream.  And then...I got tired...and quit.  I held a variety of jobs before starting my own successful licensed childcare business.  And although the twelve years in childcare have been rewarding and successful...they have also brought much wear and tear on my home, burden to my family, and a lot of mental/emotional stress to me.

My husband and I have been having a lot of discussions lately about what we really want for our future.  Many things have spurred the conversation.

1.  It's been a REALLY hard, cold, and snowy winter here in Michigan this year...Do we indeed want to spend the rest of our lives here as we get older?

2.  Our kids are growing up...Where do we want to live and what do we want to do as they get out on their own?

3.  Our job is not completely stable.  Although we have been extremely blessed with success, there are constant ups and downs financially with this job.

And so we BOTH approached the idea of going back to school...both of us.

My husband has an associate's degree and is still looking and seeking what it is he wants to move into...

But I have decided I'm going to go back to school...REAL school...and finish my DEGREE in elementary education.

I'm scared.

The few people I've shared with (and my husband) have complete faith in me.

But the thought of taking college classes again terrifies me.

Even taking the pre-admissions test, I completely freaked out doing the math sections!

I was in a total panic state because there was so much I don't remember!

It has been TWENTY FOUR years since I've been in college!

My oldest son (a senior in high school) says to me, "Don't worry mom, I'll help you."  Bless his heart.  The people I've shared my consideration about going back have no doubt I can do this.  But the thought of college, at my age, TERRIFIES me!

The thought of changing my career path TERRIFIES me!

Even though it's something I've always wanted...I am panicked!

But I believe change is necessary.

Fear should never hold us back in anything.

In order to move forward, we have to push past fear.

My husband has only been encouraging me to go back to school for the past 20 years we've been married.  But I refused...out of fear.  So I've sat around, complaining about where I am, instead of doing something about it.

Sometimes life takes unexpected turns (for the better or worse)...and these are the things that finally push us to move forward.

Now is that time.

It's time to make a change.

It's time to move forward.

If we want change, WE have to be the ones to make it happen.

It's not going to happen on it's own.

So I finally did something.

I applied to a university.

They offer an accelerated online program for non-traditional students (working adults).

I got my acceptance letter and phone call from my admissions counselor and we have been in contact with each other weekly getting things in order.

I'm totally EXCITED.

And totally TERRIFIED.

Change is scary.

And uncomfortable.

But it's time.

Time to get OUT of the rut.

And move forward with a dream.

I am sure there are those in my life that will question my decision.  Like I said, I've completed three certificate programs that led nowhere.  Some may think, "Here she goes again."  But NO.  With God's help, my goal is to get my degree this time and completely change my career path.  I have got to move forward from the career path I'm on right now.   This isn't another, "Here she goes again."

By doing this, I am thinking about my future.
My future beyond licensed daycare...My future after my boys are grown and gone...My long-term future...
I don't know how it will go.  Like I said, I haven't been in the classroom in 24 years.  I may cry, yell, kick, and scream along the way.  I may be depressed, angry, and feel like giving up.  Or...it may go well!  Maybe I will embrace it and love learning again!  I have no idea what to expect!
All I know...is...
I have NO regrets in my life except one.
I don't regret getting married.
I don't regret having children.
I don't regret any of the jobs I've had.
And I've never been a quitter.
I finished my CDA (Child Development Associate Credential...I finished my Dental Assisting Certification...I finished my Medical Transcription Certification.
My only regret...
The only thing I quit...
Was college.
So here we go!
Let's try this again.
I'll do my best, and let God do the rest!
What's meant to be, will be!
I appreciate your prayers as I start and finish my journey! 
God bless!
My start date is May 1...
Let's do this!