Necessities vs. Luxuries...

I have a dilemma.

What do you do when you are faced with a situation with a friend and you don't know what to do?

I have a "friend"...we're not "close"...but close enough I consider her a friend.

Her family doesn't have a lot.

One income family.

And things are tight.

I have helped her out with things before...when they don't have the money for things.

I love being generous.

I love helping people.

I believe Jesus wants to help others in need.

I have always loved being a generous person.

HOWEVER...

What I don't like...

Is seeing this person's Facebook status about all the "frivolous" luxuries they are buying.

Maybe it is not my place to make those kinds of judgements.

But...

At the same time, it makes me a little more hesitant to "give" or "help" when I see them purchasing non-necessities and luxury items.

As much as I love helping them out...

This frustrates me.

What would you do?

It doesn't take a genious...but it does take willingness to think on your own.

Parenting.

It doesn't take a genious.

It does take some common sense though.

The other day, a younger mom than myself, with three small children said, "The other day G____ was having a major meltdown!  A huge tantrum!  Her brother has never done that!  I didn't know what to do!  I wondered what Dr. Dobson would say.  I wondered what the pediatrician would say."

Ok mom...you are twenty-eight years old, you have three children, you are college educated, you are a God-fearing christian woman, and very intelligent.

What do YOU think you should do?

Personally, I have NEVER been one to "ask the experts".

I really don't CARE what doctors, psychologists, authors, etc. have to say.

THEY don't know MY child.

They can give opinions, quote the results to studies, and go by national averages.

But they don't know MY child.

They don't know what is best for my child.

This same mom was then talking to me about her baby the next day.

"I don't know why she won't sleep during the day.  And she stays up so late at night.  I better ask the pediatrician why."

Ok mom.  Maybe she's not tired.

Maybe she doesn't require as much sleep as your other two children did.

I am NOT saying that we need to go about parenting COMPLETELY on our own.

When there is a medical issue, OF COURSE we take our children to the doctor.  We ask questions.  We make sure their health is taken care of.

But when it comes to the day to day things like...

Eating and sleeping, chores, playing, social skills, discipline...

God gave us all intelligence.

He gave us all common sense.

All we have to do is...
USE IT.

I have never been one to ask the "parenting forums and groups".

I don't feel the need to "find out from friends" what they do.

Personally, I don't care WHAT other people do.

I don't care what the so called "experts" think.

I have been given intelligence and common sense by God and I use it!

I live by God's Word.

That is my guide book in life.

I don't need parenting books and magazines (not that I haven't read them).

I don't need to call the doctor (unless it's a medical issue).

If my child won't eat his carrots...I really don't make an issue of it!

I say, "Try two bites."

They do it.

Game over.

We try a new veggie next time!

They don't want to pick up their toys?

Fine, no other toys come out until those are picked up.

Don't want to do your homework?

Loss of technology (video games, computer, iPods, phones).

I can tell you this too...I've never even made it to the consequence stage with my boys!

They know what's expected of them...they know what happens if they don't do it.

It's that simple!

I lay it out...they know what they need to do...they don't want a consequence...so they do it!

Gee, that's tough.

To me, it's common sense.

I didn't need to ask my mom.

I didn't need to ask my friend.

I didn't need to look it up in a book.

I didn't need to ask my doctor.

We have house rules...we have consequences laid out if they're not followed.

Do my kids think I'm mean?

Nope.

They don't.

They know they have responsibilities.

I will say it's easier now that they're older (15 and 11) because I can reason with them.

I won't say things were this easy when they were toddlers.

Did we have meltdowns?

Yes.  Did I give in and let them do what they wanted?

NO.

Them + Meltdown = Leaving

Whether we were in a restaurant, store, outing, etc.

Even then.

It's common sense.

You don't give in to a meltdown with a toddler/preschool child.

They learn what's expected.

They melt down.

You leave.

I always spoke in a firm, but calm voice...wrapped my arms around them in an embrace/hug...gradually speaking softer and softer...calming and soothing them until they stopped.

We then talked about their behavior and why it wasn't acceptable and why we had to leave the locataion.

There are not many things that I feel I'm good at in life.

In fact, I have a really low self-esteem and don't accept compliements well.

But...

There is one thing, that's I've always felt good at.

One thing I've always felt equipped for.

One thing that I feel I've never had to question my knowlege or ability in.

What is it you ask?

PARENTING.

I don't feel good at anything in life really.

Every hobby, job, activity, sport I've ever tried...I'm no good at.

I'm a complete flop.

Being a mom?

I love it.

I feel like God blessed me with the ability to be a great mom to my children.

I don't know why.

Because I certainly stink at so many other things in life.

But being a mom...is the ONE thing I feel good at.

My kids talk to me.

They come to me.

They tell me things most tweens and teens would NEVER go to their parents with.

I think that says something.

And I am NOT one to brag.

God knows, I am NOT good at anything...
But being a mommy...I think I've found my calling.

I am SO proud of my boys and the way they're turning out.

They are Godly, caring, empathetic, kind, generous, fun, friendly, cooperative, and more.

Kids love them, adults love them.

And I thank God for blessing me with them!

296 "FRIENDS"???

Friendship + Me = Complicated

I have learned much about friendship through out my lifetime.

I learned in elementary school how much fun a best friend is.

And how confusing it is when she is taken from you to heaven because her precious life was cut short.

I learned in junior high and high school how difficult it is to form friendships when you're not popular. 

I learned in college that most of the friendships were fast and fleeting as we all moved on with our life to marriages, families, and careers.

I learned as an adult, you're lucky if you find one or two "real" friends.

And then again, how it hurts when the one you thought was your new-found answer to prayer, is once again called to heaven and her life is cut short as well.

All my life, my friends have either passed away, moved away, or dumped me.

I am now approaching a new phase in my life.

I am getting older.

Wiser.

I have developed a couple "relationships" of types again.

Do I dare refer to them as friends?

Sometimes I'm afraid to.

After my last friend passed away, I told my mom that I was afraid to open myself up to any more friendships.

Essentially afraid they too would die.

I mean seriously...how many close friends of  yours have died during their childhood or in as a young mother?

Mom told me I have to open myself up to take chances.

I am glad I did.

I have developed a very special bond with a new friend.

Well, we've become friends over the past three years.

We went to the same school and were many years apart.

We rarely talked in school, just due to the age difference.

But now...

She has become someone I cherish and hold dear.

Real friends aren't the ones who comment on your Facebook status each day.

They don't need "prompting" to interact with you.

REAL FRIENDS are the ones who come to you when you AREN'T there.

They NOTICE when you're quiet.

They NOTICE when you're absent.

They NOTICE small diferences in you.

They can tell if something isn't quite right.

I have 296 Facebook friends.

Out of all those hundreds of "friends", I talk to only maybe 8-10 on a regular basis.

But...

It is my one TRUE friend who notices when I've been gone for a while.

She notices my "tone" in my status updates.

She doesn't need to be "prompted" by my posts to ask me, "How's it going?" or say, "I miss you!"

We can share anything with each other.

I know it's not going anywhere when I tell her.

To this day...

I will never understand how this friendship came to be.

If someone would have told me that she and I would be close friends, we'd have both probably said, "You're kidding, right?"

Because when you're younger, all you see is age difference.

Now...we are both wives, mothers, work full time...so we have a lot in common.

We "get" each other.

I just wanted to say how eternally grateful I am for God bringing us together.

It was totally a God-thing.

I truly didn't think I'd ever have another friend I could trust my heart to.

Thank-you God for my TRUE FRIEND.

15 is fun...

Sunday was Evan's Winter Band Concert.

It was really nice.

I enjoy the classical music.

He looked so handsome in his tux.

It's hard to believe year 15 is halfway over.

I always hate hearing parents who talk about how awful the teen years are.

For us, they have been (mostly) full of joy and new adventures.

There's been marching band, Homecomings, Winter Fests, friends, birthday parties (with girls!), game nights with the guys, paper routes, campouts with Royal Rangers at church, (one) girlfriend, and so much more.

Lots of fun.

We have had our share of struggles too.

Though I have to say...nothing we've been through has been because of broken rules, rebellion, or such.  I am so thankful that God blessed us with Evan and his sensitive heart, sweet spirit, generosity toward others.

Evan makes me want to be a better person.

I have NEVER in FIFTEEN years, heard Evan say one bad thing about ANYONE.

That's something "I" could really work on.

He doesn't "trash-talk".

I wish I thought about the things I say more before I said them...just like he does.

He's such a good kid.

And I admire him.

It's been a tough year for him.

He's gone through his ADD testing and diagnosis.

He's gone through his scoliosis diagnosis.

Yet he's such a trooper.

He doesn't complain.

He doesn't worry.

He continues to have faith in God that everything will be ok.

That's how I want to be.

Just like Evan.

Zip it up!

I was always very quiet and shy growing up.

So much so...

That I believe it affected my social life.

That all changed when I met my husband.

He is the polar opposite of me.

He is assertive, speaks his mind, and has an opinion on everything...

And he's not afraid to share it!

LOL!

But upon getting married...

He brought out the confidence in me.

Not that I'm a confident person now.

But I have opened up and speak freely.

I talk a lot more now.

I am more social.

And I don't have a problem sharing my opinions, convictions and beliefs.

I don't do as much of this "face to face".

I tend to do it more online.

With friends, acquaintences, and also just commenting on forums, groups, and such online.

It's not that I'm hiding behind the computer.

But I just find it easy to speak in discussions online.

Though if the opportunity presented itself, I may just surprise myself (and everyone else) and speak up then too, LOL!

But...

I am starting to learn...

Many people don't like my opinions, beliefs, and convictions.

I am conservative.

I am faith-based.

I have high standards.

I am a very moral/ethical person.

BUT...

I am not "politically correct".

Sorry.

I'm just not.

I am a very compassionate person.

I do not ever go around hurting people's feelings.

I am kind and considerate of everyone.

I am very accommodating.

I am inclusive.

HOWEVER...

I do not believe in "accepting" everything.

If it is liberal...

If it goes against my faith...

If it goes against my high standards...

If it goes against my morals/ethics...

I will speak my mind.

I still love YOU as a person.

I still respect YOU as a person.

But I may not agree with your actions or choices.

And that is Biblical.

Jesus Himself hung around the sinners and loved them.

He did not, however, accept their lifestyle.

I have been attacked more lately by friends and strangers alike for the way I think.

What bothered me the most was...

From a stranger...I can take it.

They don't know the real me.

They don't know I'm a kind, compassionate person who would never hurt anyone.

But when a friend attacks me...
THAT bothers me.

They KNOW what kind of person I am.

And that bothers me.

So...

I have begun to think...

Maybe it's time to just go back to being my quiet self.

Just like high school.

I will talk to friends.

"Small talk."

I will not engage in ANYTHING controversial, political, religious, or the likes.

People know where I stand.

I am beginning to think people don't really want your opinion.

They just like to stir the kettle.

So...

As I titled this post...

I think in those situations...

It's time to...

ZIP IT UP!

Compliments...it's ok to accept them.

I have always had a TERRIBLE time accepting a compliment.

I think it stems from the fact that I've always struggled with self-esteem.

Never feeling pretty enough.

Never feeling talented enough.

Never feeling good enough.

With

ANYTHING

&

EVERYTHING.

Tonight...

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

It's ok to accept a compliment.

Every time someone says...

"I love your hair!  That is a great cut on you!"

I thank them.

But I shrug it off and think...

"Oh they're just trying to make me feel good."

Or when someone says...
"Oh your cookies and cakes look so nice!  You're really doing great!"

I thank them.

But I shrug it off and think...

"They just don't want to hurt my feelings.  I'm not any good at this."

I ALWAYS shrug off compliments.

I ALWAYS think people are just feeling sorry for me.

I ALWAYS think people just want to make me feel better about myself.

I don't know...

Maybe they do.

BUT...

Maybe they don't!

Maybe...just maybe...

They really do mean it.

Tonight I had a realization.

That I need to STOP being so unaccepting of compliments.

People don't just say things to say them.

I think most of my friends are genuine enough to be truthful with me.

I would hope they are.

So from now on...

When someone pays me a compliment...

I'M TAKING IT!

I'm taking it and running with it!

Because EVERYONE deserves compliments!

We don't get complimented enough in life.

It's important to tell people when they do a good job on something.

It's important to tell someone when they look nice.

It's important to tell someone they are talented.

IT'S IMPORTANT!!!

AND...

IT'S OK TO TAKE THAT COMPLIMENT!

When we work hard on something...

Be it a diet/exercise program and lose some weight.

Be it working at a new skill.

Be it taking up a new hobby.

Be it trying out a new hair style or color.

When we do something good...

TAKE THE COMPLIMENT!

You are important!

You are talented!

You are attractive!

God made me in His image...
He is the one who gives me talents...

He gives me everything!

So when I blow off a compliment...
I am shrugging off the blessings He's given me!

We must be careful not to get cocky.

Because it is God who gives us all gifts and talents.

So next time someone pays you a compliment...

TAKE IT!

And give God the glory!

I'm going to from now on!

I am not letting the enemy steal my joy anymore!

I will not blow off that compliment on my hair.

I will not shrug off the compliment on my cake or cookies I made.

I will thank God for the talents He is developing in me and for creating me in His image!

Thank-you God for my strengths and for continuing to help me improve my weaknesses!

Amen!

So...what have I been up to?

Well...I am going to try to get back to more "personal" writing on the blog.
Anymore...it seems I'm only posting events, holidays, activities, or gripes, LOL!
But I really used to enjoy just "writing"...from my heart.
Things I enjoy, things that inspire me, what I am doing with my life, etc.

I've been a "BIT" busy.
I know...you say.
We're all busy.
But REALLY.
I've been REALLY busy.
Still am as a matter of fact.

Things have actually been "out of hand " busy.
Not only am I working 55+ hours a week running my childcare/preschool business.
That wasn't enough for this super-mom!
NO!
Not me!
I had to add more!

I have since added a part-time on the side baking business.
It's tiny.
But enough to stress me out when I have a project due.
Even though I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.
I'm a perfectionist and I stress until it's done.
Sweet Ivy Confections is the name.
We have a website, blog, Facebook page, and Twitter.
I've been doing birthday and holiday cakes, decorated cookies, cake pops, and other petite treats.
I love it.
It brings me complete bliss.
And I pray I can get into it full time some day!

Secondly...
I haven't told many people or really made it public.
Mostly because I have this fear.
I am taking classes again.
Correspondance/online classes.
I am going to be a certified medical transcriptionist.
My goal is to work from home full time doing this.
(And continue to build the baking job.)
I am halfway through the course.
And I am killing myself trying to get done.
It is a "work-at-your-own-pace" program.
But...
Because the instructor told me that it "COULD" be done in five months...
(if one were to go at it full time)
I thought I had to get done in five months.
I expected no less of myself.
Of course, I didn't factor in raising a family, running a childcare business full time, and baking part-time.
So...
I've blown my five month goal.
My new goal is to finish by the end of the school year.
I am putting WAY too much pressure on myself and it's killing me.
I mentioned that I had fear of making it public knowlege.
WHY?...you may ask.
Because a couple years ago, I went back to school for dental assisting and graduated from dental assisting school.
Well, I never found work in the field and I felt like all my time and money on the certification was a complete waste and I looked at myself as a failure.
Not that it really WAS me failing.
I graduated with high honors!
But the fact that there were no jobs when I graduated.
That made me feel like a failure.
And now...
I am having doubts with this program.
I worry.
Will there be jobs in this field when I graduate?
We were pretty much assured there would be.
The last phase of the program is pretty much geared toward helping you find a job.
Of course, there are no guarantees in life.
But they were pretty adament that their program was successful and their students did find work.
So...
I guess I really just need to quit worrying.
What will be will be.
God has the master plan.
I fail to remember that at times.

So those are some of the things I've been working on.
Just a little busy, eh?

I am also trying to lose a few pounds.
A few pounds found me over the holidays...
So they really need to SCRAM, GET LOST, and BEAT IT!
Jamie and I are doing The Food Lover's Diet.
I am trying to lose 10-15 pounds.
My fitness ball is back in my life.
I'm doing my crunches daily.
We are thinking of rejoining Snap Fitness.
So we have some goals we're working on there in our life too.

Hmmm...
Anything else?
Well...I think that's about it for tonight.
It's getting late.
I promise I'm going to try to write more personal posts.
I started this blog to not only share my family...
But to share my feelings.
And just to have some kind of record of our life to look back on over the years.

So with that...
I'll close for tonight.
Sweet dreams my friends!
xoxox

Shhh, don't tell anyone, but I kinda miss it!

Winter in Michigan has been almost non-existant this year.
We've had a few light snows.
And then it melts.
Don't get me wrong...
The dry roads have been AWESOME to drive on.
But somehow...
It just doesn't feel right.
It is Michigan, afterall.
We're SUPPOSED to have snow in the winter.
And...don't tell anyone I said so...
(Because I'll deny it if you do.)
But...
I kind of miss it!

P.S.
Update...
We have a Winter Storm Watch for Thursday.
Possibly 6 inches of snow coming!
Oooooh!

Who knew?

So I've always gone my whole life thinking I had straight as a board hair.

I've always hated it.

Then one day I casually mentioned this to my hair stylist, who said...

"You don't have straight hair at all!  You have LOTS of natural wave!"

So I decided one day to just put some gel (Short Sexy Hair) in it and blow dry and scrunch it.

VOILA!

She was right!

Curly hair!

I guess I had been straightening it all my life and not realizing it!

Who knew?

Did you know it's illegal in Michigan...

There is something that has been really bothering me lately.
It's in regards to the law here in Michigan.

I don't think people MEAN to break this law on purpose.
Many people don't even know.
But as they always say, "Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law".

So...here goes.

I am a licensed childcare provider.
I work really hard to maintain a clean, safe, educational, and fun environment for the children I have in my care.
All of the parents of the children in my care constantly tell me that having their children in my care, makes them feel better about having to go to work and leave them...knowing they are safe, well-cared for, loved, having fun, and learning with me.
I appreciate that!

I go through all the steps to maintain my license.
I do all of the paperwork.
I pay all of the fees.
I keep up on all the safety and home maintenance required.
I take classes on early childhood development and business administration, First Aid, CPR.
I participate in the Child and Adult Care Food Program.
It's a lot of work.

HERE'S WHAT BOTHERS ME...

IN MICHIGAN, IT IS ILLEGAL TO WATCH UNRELATED CHILDREN IN YOUR HOME AND BE PAID FOR IT WITHOUT A LICENSE.
In other words...if you are babysitting in your home, for someone else's children and you take money from them...and you are doing so without a license...YOU ARE BREAKING THE LAW.  (You may watch relatives in your home.  Or you may watch non-related children in their own home.)
But you CAN NOT...watch NON-RELATED CHILDREN in YOUR HOME and be PAID for it.
It is ILLEGAL.

A Department of Human Services Licensing Consultant COULD COME TO YOUR HOUSE.
Action could be taken against you.

I see this all the time.
And I don't think a lot of people even know any better.
They don't know it's the law.
I see neighbors doing it.
I know friends who do it.
I have even had FAMILY members do it.

But it is VERY FRUSTRATING to me...as a licensed provider to see this.
I go through all the steps to maintain a license.
And let me tell you...it is NO JOY...to keep up with all of these rules.
Not to mention, having the licensing consultants come into your home each year for inspections.
It is VERY INTIMIDATING.

But I do it because it's the LAW.
And that's the right thing to do.

I am not saying these people who are "babysitting" in unlicensed homes are bad people.
I'm not saying they aren't doing a good job.
I'm not saying their homes aren't safe.

I AM SAYING...IT'S ILLEGAL.

And it just really irks me, that I go to all the trouble, hassle, fees, classes, inspections, etc...and others simply don't.

Technically...I COULD (and SHOULD) report it to licensing...because licensing says that we as licensed providers SHOULD turn in those who are not licensed.

But...
I simply look the other way.
I am not one to make trouble.

I guess in the end...
I can just go to bed knowing...
That I am following the laws of Michigan.

I have a safe, clean, loving, educational, fun environment with a preschool curriculum for my kiddos.  Their parents know that they have found a dependable provider who loves their children.

Sometimes...
I guess we just grin (or not) and bear it.
(sigh)