One of "those" days...

Yes, today is one of those days.
I don't know why.
But they seem to pop up every once in a while.
Ever have "those days"?
Today, I'm having one of those days where I feel like a disapointment on so many levels.
In pretty much every aspect.
Some days, I really struggle with feeling...
Good enough.
Pretty enough.
Thin enough.
Bring up any topic and I can feel like a disapointment today.
It's just one of those days.
I have always struggled with my self-esteem.
Comparing my looks to other girls.
I can literally pick myself apart from head to toe.
Ever do that?
I have bad hair.
I hate my posture.
My nose is too long.
My lips are too thin.
My stomach isn't flat.
I am getting gray hair.
I am getting wrinkles.
I hate wearing glasses.
Ugh.
I feel like I am always striving, searching to improve my looks and failing.
Watching things on tv like Miss USA or the Oscars on the Red Carpet just really knock me down too.
I can pick out a beautiful girl or woman, and stare at her...and wonder...
"What must it be like to be so beautiful?"
"What does that feel like?"
So I slather on wrinkle creams...and scan my face for new wrinkles.
I color my hair and search for new grays.
I joined a gym two weeks ago and now will kill myself to get that flat stomach.
I don't mean to put myself down...because in some aspects...
I feel like that's a slap in the face to God.
God doesn't make junk.
But I just really struggle.
And not with just looks.
I try to be the perfect friend.
But I just don't seem to be good enough in that aspect either.
Either I totally stink at friendship or people just don't respond to relationships like they used to.
I often feel like I disapoint my family too.
Not a good enough wife.
Not the perfect mother.
And then there's just me in general.
I try to find my niche.
I just don't seem to be really "good" at any one thing.
Scrapbooking, stamping, knitting, cooking, gardening, baking/decorating, piano...I've tried it all.
I can do it all...somewhat.
But it's never "great".
I sit and stare at other people's work on blogs and sites in awe of how talented and beautiful they are.
Then I do something on my own...and sit there and pick it apart...detail by detail...finding mistake after mistake.
I hear people say "confidence" is what makes a person beautiful, talented, etc.
I honestly have none.
But I guess that's what dreams are for...beauty, confidence, talent, gifted...
So I shall keep dreaming.