I'm just going to go ahead and admit it...

I'm just going to go ahead and admit it.
I'm jealous.
And I feel awful.
I feel awful that each day...
I sit and "wish my day away"...
Because all I long for is to be with my family.
I constantly wish for my evenings and weekends with my family.
So I sit and wish my days away and life flies by around me.
I am stuck and stagnant.
And although I am enrolled in a program, taking classes, and pursuing another career goal...
It's not that I "REALLY" want to be doing that particular career either.
It just seems like a logical way out of my current one.
Because the fact of the matter is...
I have to work.
That will always be the case.
I will always be jealous because I never got the opportunity to be a stay at home mom to my children.
I have come to accept that though.
They are both in school now, so it's not like it makes any difference anymore.
But I do think I deserve the right to be happy.
I am so burnt out on my current position/job that I wake up each day just counting the hours until 5:30 pm.
Not that I don't care for every one of my clients...because I truly do.
But I am just so burnt out I can hardly wake up with enthusiasm to another new day doing this particular job.
And so...I study...and work my way through this program I am enrolled in.
I will graduate.
I will hope I excel in this field.
I hope I will find a job in this field.
But even still...
I am only doing this program/career path...
Because I know it will bring in decent money once I find a job in that field.
It is not what I truely want to do.
My passion is baking.
But I will never be able to make the kind of money baking, that I do from a "REAL" career choice.
It is rather sad to me.
Yet I get up and continue to smile each day.
Letting everyone know how "happy" I am...
While I struggle each day just to get to 5:30 pm.
If I could bake all day...and make a good income at it...
I would be happy.
I know I would.
I believe that finally...at 39 years of age...I have FINALLY found my passion.
I have found what I love to do.
And so...I will just continue to smile...and "be happy" for everyone else.