Mixed-up, mumble-jumbled, mess...that's me...

Sometimes I long for freedom...
But I need to feel taken care of...

Sometimes I feel bossed around...
But I need direction...

Sometimes I get tired of pleasing other people...
But usually joy is brought to me when I do for others...

Sometimes I just want my space...
But usually I get lonely...

Sometimes I just want change...
But usually change scares me...

Sometimes I want to be more outgoing...
But usually I realize my quiet, laid-back personality is what draws the people I really treasure to me...

Sometimes I wish I could tell others how I really feel...
But many times it would lead to either hurt or regret...

Sometimes I wish I could change my past...
But they say that's what shapes your future...and who you are today...

Sometimes I wonder about the past...the "what ifs..."
But I realize I can't change them...and all I can do is live in the present...

Sometimes I wonder...
Am I the best I can be?
Mom?
Wife?
Childcare provider?
Homemaker?
Friend?
Child of God?

I don't know...
I do know I am constantly flooded with doubts on all counts some days...
Then there are other days when one of my children makes a choice that I am so proud of, a friend thanks me for just being there, a client thanks me for being that important constant in their child's life, etc. etc. etc...and I think, maybe I am doing something right.

(sigh)